Mark Oakley

Dixons Posts Massive Loss

2010-11-25T20:48:00.004Z

While the retailer typically comes under fire for its poor customer service record, today it makes the headlines for posting a significant loss. Smaller than last year's it may be, but £7.9million is a lot of money in anyone's books.

My news story on this, which can be read here, http://tinyurl.com/32qmoly, comes at a time when the electronic retail community is anticipating big ticket purchases like 3DTVs, PC systems and Apple's iPad to entice customers to their stores over the festive period. Whether that will happen or not depends partly on the willingness of people to part with their cash before the imminent VAT price rise takes hold and partly whether they'll have a job to pay for all these purchases in the long run.

Bottom line: if consumer confidence doesn't pay off over what is traditionally a big-money period for Dixons, it could find itself in a spot of bother.

Channel Pro

2010-10-19T13:34:00.003+01:00

Just started a new role writing news content for ICT channel website Channel Pro - www.channelpro.co.uk.

Here are links to articles on its launch day - please spread the word:

http://www.channelpro.co.uk/Retail/639221/slow_sales_for_3d_laptops.html

http://www.channelpro.co.uk/Retail/637821/nvidia_shifts_into_retail_market.html

http://www.channelpro.co.uk/Retail/637693/midoctober_launch_for_game_at_comet.html

http://www.channelpro.co.uk/Retail/637595/3dtv_to_become_mainstream_by_2014.html

http://www.channelpro.co.uk/Retail/637691/the_carphone_warehouse_seeks_to_improve_smartphone_knowledge.html

http://www.channelpro.co.uk/Retail/637750/microsoft_windows_tablet_pc_by_christmas.html

Blatant self-promotion never hurt anybody.

Still live

2010-10-06T08:01:00.004+01:00

Just a post to show this this blog is still going! Last post in January! Shocking.

Anywho, will post something more meaningful soon. I hope. In the meantime, look at this sh*tbuttons of a poster for a new comedy film starring Katherine Heigl.

http://tinyurl.com/34z8d8r

Writing With Windows Live Writer

2010-01-28T17:35:00.001Z

So, here I am testing Windows Liver Writer out for the first time. Does it leave me impressed? Here is my website: www.markoakleyeditorial.co.uk

Being Human is Back

2010-01-06T22:24:00.004Z

Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes.
Yes.
Yes yes yes,

Being Human is Back on Sunday. Can. Not. Wait.

But clearly I'm going to have to. What to do in the meantime...

Guess how many times Russell Tovey will show his buttocks this series, that's what. Will it be more than in the previous one?

http://www.denofgeek.com/television/392181/being_human_series_2_image_gallery.html

The Offence

2009-11-27T10:17:00.000Z

The Offence is one of Connery's finest movies and I had the pleasure of reviewing it for Den of Geek. Read all here:

http://tinyurl.com/y9tbuxc

Quite possibly the scariest cat you'll ever see!

2009-11-26T22:23:00.002Z

Read this news story on the Beeb site. Scary stuff:

http://tinyurl.com/ydrav9y

The Happiness Of The Katakuris

2009-11-18T10:30:00.001Z

To see this movie is to watch utter brilliance. Enjoy the madness:

Cullum Goes Pop

2009-11-13T13:46:00.010Z

Jamie Cullum's new album, The Pursuit, confirms a couple of things.

Firstly, the snide comments he receives from certain sections of the music press are uncalled for as on this evidence he's a talent that more than justified the early hype surrounding him.

Secondly he is a pop star, not a jazz musician - at least on record anyway.

That's no bad thing and the eight tracks he has penned here, collaborating as he always does with brother Ben, are the strongest he has ever written with hooks and catchy beats a-plenty. Combined with the four standards covered, The Pursuit turns out to be probably his strongest, most assured album to date and deserves a hell of a lot more praise than it's been getting.

It will doubtless annoy those however who have been saying for some time that Cullum's plinkety-plonkety piano does not a jazz musician make. Compared with first album proper Pointless Nostalgic, in which he really did shake his jazz monkeymaker, The Pursuit is akin to comparing Miles Davis with Take That.

But then Take That are ace and so is this album, pop though it undoubtedly is.

Two new features now online @ God Is In The TV

2009-11-12T10:28:00.004Z

Here are the links to my most recent articles on this brilliant online cultural zine:

http://tinyurl.com/yae6qfc

http://tinyurl.com/yd86wcc

Late contender for single of the year?

2009-11-01T19:54:00.008Z

Ellie Goulding. Never heard of her before but damn glad I have done now. If you saw her performance on Jools Holland the other night you might have been a little underwhelmed but don't let that cloud your judgement. Perhaps, and I don't know, her music doesn't translate in a live format but on record it's golden.

Her first single, Under The Sheets, is out in a week and it is a blinder. I got the same feeling listening to this as I did from Sugababes' Freak Like Me. It's infectious, exciting and Ellie strikes me as another frighteningly talented potential artist from Wales.

Her MySpace is at http://www.myspace.com/elliegoulding and the single video should be below with any luck:

Curb... review now online

2009-10-20T14:14:00.004+01:00

http://tinyurl.com/yzew8xf

Peep Show and Curb reviews now online

2009-10-20T14:08:00.002+01:00

http://tinyurl.com/yfvbzln

http://tinyurl.com/yhffjto

Peep Show reviews

2009-10-05T11:06:00.001+01:00

I'm reviewing the current series of Peep Show for Den of Geek. Here are links:

http://www.denofgeek.com/television/323851/peep_show_series_6_episode_1_review.html

http://www.denofgeek.com/television/327688/peep_show_series_6_episode_2_review.html

Point Break online

2009-09-28T14:21:00.003+01:00

So, the Beeb's iPlayer has started showing a few films now. Best of the lot is easily Point Break, Swayze's finest hour (and Keanu's for that matter). Share and enjoy

http://bbc.co.uk/i/dtjjp/

2009-09-10T14:48:00.001+01:00

Young Ones online and free

2009-08-25T16:40:00.002+01:00

All the episodes of the brilliant Young Ones are now available to view online for free at MSN's new Video Player streaming video service. Quite brilliant:

player.uk.msn.com/comedy/young-ones/

Avatar teaser

2009-08-21T12:45:00.004+01:00

So the much-anticipated film from James Cameron has its teaser trailer, and it's not very good. Speaking with a friend, he accurately described it as reminding him of the animation seen in the Star Wars prequels and considering much has been made of the expensive hi-tech CGI employed it's disappointing to note that it looks like the film looks cartoonish rather than mind-blowing. Judge for yourself here:

http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/avatar/teasermedium.html

Planes, Trains and Automobiles - second attempt

2009-07-30T12:22:00.005+01:00

This is my stop motion movie, this time using a tripod.

Oh my lord it's Tron 2

2009-07-28T15:27:00.002+01:00

The footage that was shown at Comic-Con has landed on the web. How exciting!

Psychoville episode 4 review

2009-07-10T14:09:00.000+01:00

Review now live at www.denofgeek.com - http://tinyurl.com/lm675k

Heroes lesbian plot?

2009-07-07T10:27:00.001+01:00

Article about Heroes' latest desparate attempts to win back viewers now live on www.denofgeek.com - http://tinyurl.com/nu3ww9

Psychoville review

2009-07-03T15:20:00.002+01:00

Review of episode 3 now online at www.denofgeek.com - http://tinyurl.com/m8m3y6

Planes, Trains and Automobiles - in 25 seconds

2009-07-03T15:02:00.007+01:00

So here's my first ever attempt at stop motion animation, all in aid of an article I'm writing for the weekly IT publication, Micro Mart. I've still got to tweak this a bit but I don't think it's half bad for a first stab. Classic clip from a classic film in a fraction of the time. Although I think a steady tripod is necessary next time round. And yes, that is an ink drawing of Del Griffith's infamous pants at the end.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang review now live on www.denofgeek.com

2009-07-02T15:02:00.001+01:00

Here's the link: http://tinyurl.com/nbm24g

Rachel Getting Married

2009-06-29T16:25:00.002+01:00

Review of Rachel Getting Married now online at www.denofgeek.com - http://tinyurl.com/lnjczp

I'll Wipe Your Face!

2009-06-04T15:44:00.000+01:00

As it’s election day I felt it only appropriate to include a related snippet from the king of the chat show, Alan Partridge.

The clip is from Armando Iannucci’s excellent Armistice series, The Election Night Armistice special to be exact.

Fantasy Football clips

2009-05-28T13:53:00.002+01:00

Been watching highlight clips from Fantasy Football League on YouTube lately. A genius show. Truly was:

Now, now we are ace

2009-04-06T16:42:00.002+01:00

Been listening a lot to a band called Now, now we are children lately, thanks to the wonders of Spotify. Their album, Cars, is very post-punk, lo-fi indie and it's bloody brilliant. Forget the horror that is The Tings Tings. If it's crunching guitars, girlie female vocals and crashing, relentless percussion you're after then this is where it's at.

Their MySpace page is at http://www.myspace.com/nownoweverychildren. Start with Everyone You Know. You won't look back.

Spotify saves the music industry

2009-02-18T18:39:00.002Z

I've recently discovered Spotify, an online streaming music service with a huge library that's fully endorsed by all the major music labels. Perfectly legal and completely free, it's already changed my PC usage for good and is shaping up to be one of the finds of the year.

Eliminating the need for music piracy, the streaming quality and speed is first-rate and it fully deserves all the press attention it's currently receiving.

If you've not discovered it yet, do it now at spotify.com

Don't get it

2009-02-13T16:50:00.002Z

Tim Minchin is apparently one of the great up and coming comics around at the moment but on the evidence of what I saw last night at Leicester's Comedy Festival I'm afraid I won't be jumping on that bandwagon any time soon.

His mix of music and comedy sounded promising (Otis Lee Crenshaw, Bill Bailey, Flight of the Conchords are all high on my comedy radar) but while the music was excellent, the comedy just fell flat for me. Perhaps he appeals predominantly to students (my wife and I were comfortably the oldest around us). Perhaps I misplaced my funny bone for the evening. Who knows.

All I can say is that if jokes about boobs and saying rude things to a baby pass for comedy these days then I'm clearly missing something.

Many will say Minchin's comedy is all about irony. I get that. I just don't find it funny.

Sorry.

First misfire of Channel Four's Great British Food Fight

2009-01-28T12:09:00.013Z

Last year's GBFF was superb, the highlight being Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall's fight against Tesco's Chicken policies.

This year, Heston Blumenthal's attempts to get Little Chef back on track is firmly top of the tree, although the Tesco follow-up show ran it a close second. With Gordon Ramsey's Great British Nightmare still to come, alongside everyone's favourite cheeky chappy Jamie Oliver taking on the British pork industry, this is shaping up to be an even better season than last year's.

However, last night's Gok Wan: Too Fat, Too Young was a complete misfire. Poorly edited and loosely structured, the show was all over the place.

Professing to be a look into Gok Wan's obese childhood and how the problem of obesity is affecting children all over the UK, it fell between the two and offered no fresh insight into either. Gok spoke with various scientists and experts to find out why it is that today's young generation is becoming fatter and came up with the frankly obvious conclusions that it was down to the increase in availability of fast food, ready meals and confectionery, the decline in everyday exercise and the general lack of mobility in our lives, brought about in part thanks to a steady increase in communications and increasingly easy access to transport.

The bulk of the show saw Gok interviewing various overweight children to discover how they got themselves in that situation and the actions they were taking to turn things around. As interesting and moving as their stories were, choppy editing and general lack of focus meant that these snippets were juxtaposed awkwardly with Gok's musings on his own childhood issues. Putting question after question to camera on why he put on so much weight in his younger years, pondering whether it was down to his parents, his general lack of self esteem, or whether in fact a 'fat gene' could have to blame, the problem was that none of these were answered with any firm conclusions.

Indeed, the entire show came and went without any meaningful insight into Gok's past and present or into the issues surrounding childhood obesity. By tackling both, it came up with no resolutions on either and what we were left with was little more than a fluffy, albeit sympathetic, programme that posed no new questions and presented no new answers.

A different kind of folk

2009-01-22T17:25:00.003Z

As mentioned in my last post, I've now downloaded what is already sounding like one of my albums of 2009.

Cat's Peak by Toronto-based band The Silt is a mixture of styles but more often than not sits somewhere neatly between folk and alt-rock. The whole album is a dreamy, hazy listening experience with a collection of songs that welcome themselves into your head from the very first listen.

Opener Come Back To The Willow is an album highlight, harking back to 70's New York funk with a hint of Philly soul. It's also something of a wrong turn when placed up against the rest of the album.

Once the beguiling, sleepy sounds of No Twig have washed over you, the album's true intent announces itself with a simply beautiful collection of folk-inspired, rock-tinged songs that grab hold of your ears and give them a good old hug.

Vocally, the band fall within the love-it-or-hate-it category currently frequented by such luminaries as Thom Yorke but it's very much my cup of tea. The same goes for some of the fretwork and finger plucking displayed on songs such as the gorgeous Fingershine. It won't be to everyone's taste but the quality and breadth of scope displayed by the trio deserves a wider audience nonetheless.

Canada has been churning out some fantastic singers and bands in recent years and if there's any justice, The Silt will soon be mentioned in the same breath as Arcade Fire and Women.

Albums of 2009

2009-01-14T18:55:00.003Z

I'm looking forward to a few albums this year, all of which are returns for some major artists

Depeche Mode - Untitled

Easily my most eagerly anticipated album of 2009, some clips of the work-in-progress are being steadily released by the band on YouTube and it all looks and sounds promising. Previous effort Playing The Angel was a huge disappointment so I hope this can recapture some of the brilliance of Exciter and Ultra - asking for it to come up to the standards of Violater or SOFAD is surely too much to hope for...

Jamie Cullum - Untitled

A highly divisive artist, Cullum has as many dissenters as he has followers but I'm firmly in the pro-Cullum camp. That said it's been a long time since he released some original material and 2005's Catching Tales was something of a failure in my eyes, veering away from his jazz-infused stylings that I love so much (Pointless Nostalgic remains my favourite album of his) and moving towards piano-based pop. I hope he rediscovers his jazz roots for this year's effort because if he does, this could be barnstorming.

Arcade Fire - Untitled

One of Canada's finest make a welcome return in Winter with expectations high following the rampant critical and commercial success of Neon Bible. I preferred Funeral personally, but expect this one to be high on critics' end of year polls.

There are also big album by Coldplay (dull), Radiohead (not so dull) and the Beastie Boys (could be amazing) but my other big album of 2009 looks set to be Cat's Peak by Toronto-based band The Silt. Best described musically as indescribable, the tracks I've heard appear to be a fusion of alt-rock, folk, and funk, with a bit of classical thrown in for good measure. I'm going to download it from iTunes next week and will no doubt be singing its praises on this blog very soon.

Slumdog Millionaire

2009-01-09T17:38:00.003Z

Danny Boyle's latest film hits the cinemas today and it looks like it could be the very first film I venture to my local multiplex to see in 2009.

I'm a huge Danny Boyle fan. Huge. Sunshine was one of my favourite films of 2007 and has since become firmly established in my DVD collection, alongside the outstanding 28 Days Later.

According to reports, this is his masterpiece so I'm rather giddy with excitement to be frank. Here's the trailer below, and I'll be seeing you in the cinema. I'll be the one looking really annoyed at all the noisy bastards chatting throughout the flick.

Slumdog Millionaire Trailer -

The Lions Are At The Door... Again

2009-01-09T17:22:00.002Z

Way back in 2007, I was confronted with something of a dilemma. The full story can be read here - http://moakle.blogspot.com/2007/09/im-just-guy-who-cant-say-no.html - but, in brief, I'm not very good at saying no to people. As such, a sequence of events led to me eventually giving a false phone number to a member of the Blaby Lions club in a bid to stop myself from getting involved with the club's social calendar.

Well, the problem has now reared its ugly head again in the form of a letter from the same Club Secretary with whom I had that first fateful meeting. Without going into all the details, there is a long list of potential events that I (and my wife) have been invited to, including boules and, worryingly, attendance of the recording of BBC Radio Leicester's 'Down To Earth' - something I have attended, and thoroughly enjoyed in the past. I was intending on being part of the 'Down To Earth' audience again this year, but now clearly I will have to rethink my strategy, through fear of bumping into said Lions Club Secretary. Eek!

Anyway, I fear I may now have to follow my good wife's advice and write a letter to the Secretary, explaining that I have since re-evaluated my initial interest in the club.

Embarrassing doesn't even begin to describe this entire affair. Next time Mark, just say no.

New Year. New Doctor

2009-01-05T13:25:00.004Z

Happy New Year to all who read this blog and give me the ever-so-smug sense of satisfaction in the process.

First post of 2009 and I had to comment on the new pick for Doctor Who, Matt 'Who He' Smith.

I'll be honest, I've seen absolutely nothing of his previous work. Not a jot. However, two things struck me when I first saw him. One, he's got a massive head. Two, he's incredibly young looking. I know he's in his mid-twenties but with his foppish hair (looks a lot like Tennant's doesn't it?) and boyish looks he could easily pass for an 18-year-old.

I assume the writers will play on this and give him a similarly young assistant, upping the love stakes in the process. But I can't help feeling that the gasp and low moan that emitted from my mouth one after the other was mirrored across the country.

Patterson Joseph, it should have been you.

Top 30 hit!

2008-12-19T09:48:00.003Z

As a regular writer for Den of Geek, I often wonder how many people read my stories (if indeed any do at all).

Well, today came proof that they do as my story on why children should be banned from cinemas made the site's top 30 most-read stories of 2008. How pleased am I? Very.

Here are links to both the original story and the others that were included in that top 30 list:

http://www.denofgeek.com/movies/63160/why_we_need_childfree_cinemas.html

http://www.denofgeek.com/movies/169955/the_top_30_den_of_geek_stories_in_2008.html

Mac users finally get iPlayer

2008-12-19T09:45:00.003Z

A full year after its launch, the BBC iPlayer has finally arrived for Mac and Linux users.

A year! Why on earth has it taken that long? As a PC user, I've been able to watch the iPlayer grow in functionality and design over the last 12 months and it's been a great ride, the iPlayer now standing up as one of the finest web experiences going.

That Mac and Linux users can only join the party now is a real shame if you ask me. Who knows if the BBC has already lost several potential users as a result, but I wouldn't be at all surprised if that were so.

How to make friends... and piss people off

2008-12-17T16:21:00.003Z

As a journo-cum-writer-cum-layabout, I often fill my days reviewing DVDs, CDs and books and with that comes a certain responsibility, a responsibility to write an objective, honest critique of whatever it is I've just seen/heard/read.

Naturally, for the creators of those works the critique might not always be what they want to hear and I know myself all too well the crushing feeling of disappointment when someone says your work is crap.

What I've never had to do however, until now at least, is explain my review to the creator themselves. As I say, until now.

Having written a generally positive review of Spencer Austin's book Chasing The Eighties for ace website Den of Geek, I received an email from the writer himself, asking why I'd written the things I had (basically that the book was uneven in tone, a little smug, and suffered as a result). I was actually really pleased that I had an opportunity to respond on this and have some form of dialogue with Spencer (albeit via email). It was good to be able to contact the man himself and listen to his side of the story and it reminded me that no matter how disassociated it can sometimes feel being a journalist, writing columns, features and news stories from behind a keyboard, monitor flickering back at me and a cold cup of coffee by my side, my writing is read by others and does affect them.

Hysterical X Factor contestants

2008-12-15T09:52:00.005Z

Following the madness of wee Egg Nog running on stage the other week to comfort loser Diana (by nearly taking her out of this life, and the next) we were treated to Alexandra's preposterous reactions to meeting Beyonce, being told she could sing rather well, and, of course, winning the competition.

I appreciate that these contestants have been through a lot this year but it concerned me that one so young could get herself quite so wound up about fame. After all, if the history of talent shows has taught us anything, it's that success is fleeting and if there's no actual career to fall back on, I fear she may experience something of a nervous breakdown come her signing career's final bow. She obviously wants to play the fame game so badly that it has consumed her entire being, and I can't help worrying that's a bad thing.

Anyway, here's the moment she went insane...

Local radio star

2008-12-15T09:47:00.002Z

Well, that's another of my life ambitions ticked off the list. On Sunday lunchtime, my dulcet Yorkshire tones could be heard on local radio station BBC Radio Leicester's gardening programme, Down To Earth, recorded as live at the station's city headquarters.

The show was actually recorded two weeks back and I'd been looking forward to listening to it, if a little worried that they'd cut me (and my wife) out altogether. But no, we were the first two people to ask the experts questions and our voices rung loudly at the start of the broadcast.

Genius! I've always wanted to be on't radio, and now I've done it. Just TV to crack now... X Factor next year methinks.

Ewan sells out

2008-12-12T17:27:00.004Z

I saw an advert for Davidoff Adventure after shave the other day starring Ewan McGregor and I couldn't believe my little eyes. What the hell is Ewan doing? Talk about selling out. Coming across as the pretentious actor I'm sure he's not, and backed with a spanish-themed soundtrack, Ewan tells us that he finds himself on an 'exhilerating journey, the scent of adventure in the air, leading me further and further into the realms of the extraordinary'.

Funny that, because I just thought after shave was something you put on to stop yourself from smelling like a pig? Apparently not. It's to transport us to new worlds, new dreams, new hopes.

Bollocks McGregor. This is a sellout of the highest order and shame on you for taking the pay packet on this one.

Still, at least it gave someone a chance to post this very amusing video on YouTube.

Why So Serious?

2008-12-11T11:58:00.004Z

Bought The Dark Knight on DVD and have done a complete about turn on my initial view on the film. I first thought it the inferior of Batman Begins, an overlong, at times confusing piece of cinema that displayed superb cinematography and performances but still delivered an underwhelming experience.

That was bollocks. It's the film of the year - not overhyped or overblown. Watching it back again, and again, I realise just how great a Director Chris Nolan is. Shooting the film's major set pieces in IMAX resolution has given the film a real sense of scale and while the film isn't short, I understand now why it has to be this length. He has so many stories to tell (Bruce Wayne's inner turmoil, Harvey Dent's search for justice, the Joker's wanten destruction) that I doubt he could have done so in two hours.

From the opening prologue to the final shot of the Batpod, this is pure cinematic gold. A joy to watch, for both the performances and the plot, it's hard to see how this could be topped.

Albums of 2008 (4)

2008-12-07T10:11:00.002Z

Mystery Jets - Twenty One

Odd that this album hasn't received the attention it deserved in much of the music press. A more mature follow-up to the gutsy, punchy throws of their debut, Twenty One is the more rounded of the two and marks a band that Will, with any luck, be around for years to come.

80s influences abound, this is Indie pop at its best and while some may note that it sounds more mainstream than their first album, it still retains that 'friends in a band that made good' feel that I think make Mystery Jets the great band they are.

Noah and the Whale - Peaceful The World Lays Me Down

As debut albums go, this was one of the best in 2008. Folk has been making something of a comeback in recent years and Noah and The Whale are one of the current crop of acts fusing it with indie, and coming up with something pretty special indeed.

As with the Mystery Jets album, fellow folkster Laura Marling turns up here to lend backing vocals but, in the nicest possible way, you wouldn't notice. That is to say that she's so integral to the band's sound, it's almost as if she's the fifth member.

The album is full of memorable tunes and not a dud in sight. Their second album is already on my 'most-anticipated' list.

Oasis - Dig Out Your Soul

For all the hype in the press and talk of the band going through something of a reinvention, the album was actually only half the album we were being told it was. The first five songs make for their best work since Morning Glory, and Falling Down is the band circa. 1995.

What can't be overlooked though are the other five tracks on this album, which are, frankly, poor. When Liam sticks so close to his idolising of Lennon he could be arrested for stalking, he pulls something out of the bag (I'm Outta Time is a great song) but when he follows his punk sensibilities it all goes wrong, as with his other two tracks on show here. Andy Bell and Gem Archer have yet to prove there song writing credentials too as they weight in with two more wholly unmemorable efforts here. And Noel's sarf landon shtick on (Get Off Your) High Horse Lady is crap.

So, why does it deserve inclusion on my albums of the year? Because when it gets it right, it hints at the return all nostalgic Oasis fans wanted it to be, and shows what they're still capable of when it all comes together.

The Whip - X Marks Destination

Clearly big fans of New Order and 80s Indie-dance, The Whip were my highlight of Summer Sundae 2007. In one of the smaller tents, they got the crowd going and showcased their collection of electro-rock that harks back to the distinctive Manchester sound of the 80s and 90s.

The album manages to recreate their live sound perfectly and in 40-plus minutes you're transported back to the Hacienda. What a treat.

Albums of 2008 (3)

2008-12-05T20:30:00.003Z

Here are the next two of my favourite albums of 2008.

Gemma Hayes - The Hollow Of The Morning

I saw Gemma Hayes for the first time in 2002. She was playing a live concert in the Cockpit in Leeds - a small gig venue that has played host to most of the big names in Indie music - from Coldplay to Elastica, they've all played here.

Gemma Hayes was touring her debut album at the time - Night On My Side - and was supported by Sondre Lerche (whose album, Phantom Punch, was a highlight of last year). The gig showcased her melodic, rather sweet style of music, punctuated at the time by more energetic numbers like Let A Good Thing Go (type that in to YouTube to check it out). She was one of the bright stars of that year and earmarked by many in the music press as one to watch.

Three years on, Hayes released the disappointing The Roads Don't Love You, recorded in America and bearing many of the hallmarks of overproduced American singer songwriters. Her voice too had taken on something of an American twang and in place of the Indie sensibilities displayed on her debut were soft rock numbers and dull pop songs. A few songs aside, this was a colossal disappointment.

Thank god then that she made a blistering return to form this year. Having to wait another three years to hear the fruits of her labour, I have to admit to being very nervous before placing it in to my CD player. Five straight listens later, I couldn't stop smiling. She was back, and better still this is the best thing she's ever done.

More so than her debut, this is an album that demands playback from start to finish. Rather than being a collection of very good songs, it's a full, enriching sonic experience. For this reason, it's hard to pick a standout track as they all segue into one for me - I can't play one track without playing the whole thing.

The Hollow Of The Morning is a truly outstanding return to form from one of my favourite singer-songwriters.

Ben Folds - Way To Normal

Along with Weezer's Red Album, this was probably the CD I was most looking forward to this year. I got into Ben Folds circa Songs For Silverman, having heard some of his output from Rockin The Suburbs before but not fully realising that he was the voice behind those tracks.

A massive fan, I had high hopes for Way To Normal... and while it's undoubtedly one of my favourite albums of the year, it doesn't half do its damnedest not to be.

For a start, there's far too much unnecessary swearing. Some fans, and indeed Folds himself, have claimed that it's meant to be ironic, but as far as I'm concerned that's a cop out. It's not big and it's not clever.

Then there are the lyrics on the album that are some of the worst I've heard him write. Errant Dog and Free Coffee are just laughable in places.

Finally, there are some really lacklustre tunes. Again, Free Coffee and The Frown Song.

And yet...

When the album gets it right, it's blinding. Hiroshima, Cologne, You Don't Know Me and then the four-track closer to the album are all some of the best songs Folds has ever written. The sheer energy displayed throughout the album is equally impressive - this is Folds in pissed-off pop-rock mode rather than the contemplative mood we found him in on Silverman.

For those reasons, it deserves its place in my albums of 2008. Had he cut out the swearing, wrote better lyrics and dropped a couple of the tracks, it could very well have been THE album of year.

Enough to make a grown man cry

2008-12-03T16:47:00.002Z

Just finished watching the DVD of the live tour of I'm Sorry I haven't a Clue and the sight of Humph bringing out the trumpet at the end of the show had me in floods of tears.

It will be strange to listen in on the radio shows next year without chairman Humph presiding over everything and I think the producers are right to not replace him, instead adopting a 'rolling' chairman for the series which starts up again in January.

Humph is irreplaceable.

Albums of 2008 (2)

2008-12-03T16:25:00.002Z

Continuing my albums of 2008, here are two genuinely brilliant albums for this or any other year.

Cat Power - Jukebox

The Greatest was one of the best releases of 2006 (together with the outstanding Close To Paradise by Patrick Watson). While Jukebox may only be a collection of covers (alongside two new tracks penned by Chan Marshall) it's full of soul and passion. This is the sexiest album of the year - Chan Marshall's vocals are sultry, husky and, crucially, note perfect.

I hear that she's a wild, untamed live performer, prone to flights of fancy and lyrical warblings off the scale. To some extent, I think that's captured on this album, particularly in the opening New York, New York. It's all the better for it as you get the feeling Marshall is baring her soul throughout the thirteen tracks here. With her raw, supremely talented vocal stylings backed by a quartet of marvellous musicians (particular praise must go to Gregg Foreman for organ playing right out of the 70s funk scene and a fantastic rhythm section that drive the album on) it's quite probably my album of the year.

I never thought she'd better The Greatest, yet Jukebox manages it effortlessly.

Emiliana Torrini - Me And Armini

An Icelandic singer that deserves far more attention than she receives, Torrini has been on my radar since her 1999 album Love In The Time Of Science. She followed this up with 2005's Fisherman's Woman, a stark acoustic album that has been a regular on my iPod for the last three years. Now, Me And Armini ups the ante once more and Torrini has made her best, most varied work to date.

It's got reggae, it's got acoustic, it's got trip hop indie - and it all comes together swimmingly. Best tracks are the playful Big Jumps, the plaintive Ha Ha and Dead Duck, an epic track that swoops in as the album draws to an end.

Torrini's vocals won't be for everybody, but she goes to prove that there's a hell of a lot more to Iceland than the always annoying Bjork.

Albums of 2008

2008-12-02T16:39:00.001Z

Compared to last year, 2008 was always going to be a very exciting year. Quite a few of my favourite artists had new releases out over the last 12 months which in itself was cause for celebration. That those albums all turned out to be pretty damned good was a nice bonus. Over the course of a few posts, I wanted to detail the albums that I think have made this year a really great one sonically.

Weezer - The Red Album (Deluxe Edition)

Weezer's previous effort, Make Believe, was by any standards, a disappointment. Few killer tracks and a general sense of a band going through the motions, it was an album I initially defended but have since come to realise I wasn't being anywhere near as subjective as a journalist should be.

Anticipation for The Red Album was high among the fans. We had to wait three years for it to come along and many were positive that it would be well worth the wait.

As I've posted before on this blog, it's an album I really liked when it first came out, largely down to the brilliance of several of the bonus tracks included on the Deluxe version. Now that a few months have passed since its release, I'm happy to note that I still stand by my initial reactions. No it's not as good as The Blue Album or Pinkerton, but it comes pretty close. Had I bought the standard version, I would have been bemoaning the fact that four of the ten main tracks just aren't up to scratch (the non-Cuomo penned efforts and Everybody Get Dangerous). The Deluxe version of the album really saves it though, with Miss Sweeney and Pig standing out as songs that should have made it through ahead of Cold Dark World and Thought I Know.

In general though, a great return for the lads, and an album that shows far more ambition than either Maladroit or Make Believe.

Who is Mark Oakley?

2008-11-26T17:39:00.002Z

We've all typed our name into Google, only to be disappointed when up comes a total of zero pages on the subject matter.

Well, whenever I type Mark Oakley into Google, quite a few pages come up - just not for THIS Mark Oakley. The Mark Oakley in question is an apparently moderately famous author of a series of dreadfully geeky-looking fantasy novels called Thieves and Kings.

I only mention it as no matter how many times I try the Google name test, I always get the same pang of hope whenever I see my name crop up... only to be followed by the same sense of disappointment when I realise it's not me.

Oh well, maybe one day...

Warwick rocks

2008-11-23T10:13:00.002Z

Saturday night saw the Grammy-award winning Marie Dionne Warrick (known professionally as Warwick due to a typo) perform at Leicester's De Montfort Hall. And she was brilliant.

Performing a set that lasted for over two hours in total, Dionne announced that this was effectively a rehearsal for a planned West End/Broadway musical show based on her life. The first 90-minute section of the show charted her career, starting out from her days singing in church, on to her early performances with The Drinkard Singers and then, obviously, on to her highly successful days with Burt Bacharach and Hal David.

After a brief interval the second section covered her music with Barry Manilow and the Gibb brothers as her producers, plus changes to her personal life.

For a performer in her late-60s her vocal range was highly impressive, as was her command of the stage. Taking on narrating and singing roles in equal measure, she was utterly captivating for the audience in the not-quite packed out Hall. No major hit was missed out and it was amazing to realise just how many tracks she is connected with.

Dionne's fractured relationship with Bacharach and David, while barely touched upon, was all too clear. Her displeasure at UK performers such as Dusty and Cilla being handed her original demonstration songs was raised on more than one occasion, albeit in a light-hearted fashion.

With a fantastic, tight backing band behind her (although a live brass section wouldn't have gone amiss) this was slick stuff. Whether it would play well in the West End is debatable (we Brits don't like people boasting about themselves too much, and there's an awful lot of self praising here) I can see it working some magic in Vegas.

I'm back

2008-11-19T11:21:00.004Z

After months of no blogging activity whatsoever, I now have renewed energy and interest in The Moakle, and long may it continue.

Why the sudden interest? Just a desire to write more really. As a freelance writer it's sometimes all to easy to lose sight of the more creative side of writing - writing for writing's sake - as you can get caught up in the business of journalism.

Anyway...

Such a lot has happened over the last few months that it's hard to know where to start. President Elect Obama won the race, the global economy is in the proverbial brown stuff, and over-18 screenings are starting to make an appearance in UK cinemas (anyone who's read my piece on Den of Geek about this will know exactly why I think this is a good thing - http://www.denofgeek.com/movies/63160/why_we_need_childfree_cinemas.html)

On the subject of that article by the way, I was really chuffed to see that it got picked up on various other sites and blogs as it's nice to know my writing warrants that kind of attention - ah the curse of the writer (self confidence, or lack of).

Anyway, the news I'd really like to talk about is the recent suspension of John Gaunt from Talksport radio. Talksport is a channel I've only recently discovered in the last six months or so and while it is highly entertaining, John Gaunt's deeply offensive show had been a bugbear of mine for some time now. His use of language is abrasive and he constantly berates the listeners who call in, but worse still is the fact that, and I'm happy to proven wrong on this, he comes across as a crap journalist. Purposefully provocative, he finally got his comeuppance after having labeled a local councilor a "Nazi" and an "ignorant pig" on air. Although he later apologised for the remark, it's exactly the kind of bile that regularly spews from his mouth and I'm not sorry to see him go one bit.

Whether or not the BBC debacle had anything to do with this is anyone's guess, but I'm fairly sure it had some bearing on events.

What I would say is that the points he was making were actually quite valid. The councilor in question was from Redbridge, who are planning on banning smokers from fostering children (surely that's some form of discrimination, no?). But Gaunt's antagonistic, over-the-top style of broadcasting journalism has bothered me, and I know many others, for some time now. That he's an award-winning broadcaster and presents one of the station's most popular shows is little surprise as he does tackle prescient issues.

It's just a shame he sees fit to do so in such a pretentious manner.

No Red whine here

2008-06-19T16:54:00.003+01:00

Much has been written in the press and on other blogs about the quality, or lack of, of Weezer's latest album (The Red Album).

Having held off on downloading or listening to any tracks before finally receiving the deluxe album through the post yesterday, I have to say I don't see what all the fuss is about. People comparing it to Blue, Pinkerton and Green are deluding themselves. Those albums were made at a different time, by a different, younger band with a different, younger outlook on life. The Weezer of today has been through three bassists and the mental struggles of Rivers. The band members have their own families. The lives and motivations of this Weezer are basically completely different to those of the old Weezer.

That's not to say new Weezer (Weezer 2.0 if you will) can still be forgiven for making bad music, as the reception to 2005's Make Believe proved. I still maintain that the critics and fans have been a bit harsh towards that album. Yes it's got too many fillers and it's certainly their worst album to date, but there are still five or six really good tracks on there. The question still remained though as to whether the band could release another album to match 2002's excellent Maladroit.

For me, Red more than achieves that. As good as Maladroit, while completely different in musical styles (in fact in almost every way this is a more ambitious, far-reaching album) it also contains three of the best songs I believe the band have ever written. The Greatest Man... is simply a genius piece of song writing, perhaps a glimpse at what the band's famous 'lost rock opera' could have been. The Angel and The One is a beautiful, epic closing track to the album proper with Rivers' vocals in particular a highlight. And then there's Miss Sweeney, the first of the bonus tracks. Why this wasn't included on the album proper is beyond me (even the sleeve notes suggest Brian Bell thought it should have been) as it's pure Weezer. Witty lyrics, clever musical interplay and as catchy as hell, it's fast becoming my favourite Red song.

In the end, if this is Weezer 2.0 (and the rumour is that another album is planned for next year) then it's a cracking start. Sure it's not all good news, as handing song writing over to Scott and Brian proves, but then Pat's effort is pretty good. I reckon if Rivers had had the balls to stamp his foot down so the band replaced Cold Dark World, Thought I Knew along with Everybody Get Dangerous (terrible, Chilli Pepper-lite song) with Miss Sweeney, Pig and King (but without Scott on vocals), this would have been up there with the first three albums. As it happens, it just falls short and nestles in nicely as a companion piece to Maladroit.

No bad thing really.

Bird's eye

2008-04-24T13:17:00.002+01:00

So on Tuesday we had a bird in our house. Not a very big bird - I think it was a thrush or something - but a bird nontheless. I was actually quite relieved as all morning I'd thought it was something much, much worse. Let me explain...

I awoke, as usual, in a rather sleepy fashion. Slumbering over to the bathroom to brush my teeth, I quickly jolted awake. The rustlings of a creature could be heard withini the cavity walls. Shit, thought I. We've got a rat. I hate rats, mice - in all honesty, I just hate animals. Oddly, I'd like to move to the country but I think I haven't really thought that one through.

Anyway, the rustling gets louder while I'm having a shower and then the rustling moves to under the bath. Bricking it, I stepped slowly out of my warm water sanctuary and onto the bathroom floor. Not knowing what to do next, the bird made up my mind for me. It started to scratch away at the bath plughole. Panic doesn't even slightly cover it. Then, it tried to poke its head out of the box at the end of our bath covering the pipes. Assuming it was a rat, I was inconsolable. Considering I had a doctor's appointment that morning, I'm surprised he didn't section me at seeing the abject fear still present in my eyes.

That's why when on returning to my house I was pretty non-plussed, not to say relieved to, see a bird flying around my living room.

Den of geek

2008-04-23T15:24:00.004+01:00

Embarrassing. Just embarrassing.

Shockingly, I haven't posted since January and that's simply not good. So, my resolution has gone down the pan (let's be honest, it went down the pan a long time ago) and all that's left to do is bemoan my lack of time/commitment to this thing. Hey ho, as my teachers often said, must do better.

So, first off, shameless self-promotion. I've been writing a fair bit lately for www.denofgeek.com. It's a great website, been going now for around a year, and well worth half an hour of anyone's lunchtime.

Second, I do promise myself (after all, no one else actually reads this thing) to write more on here.

Thirdly, time to get back to writing that short story I'm in the middle of finishing off.

M

Welcome to 2008!

2008-01-15T18:10:00.000Z

Hello, and welcome to the New Year.

One of my resolutions is to add more posts to this blog throughout the year as I was found wanting in 2007. Still, I'm here now so enough of the self-bashing (as it were).

This year, as with any year, I've taken a look at what there is to look forward to at the cinema and on my CD player and actually it's looking rather exciting. Here are my personal predicted highlights of 2008:

Summer Sundae 2008

Leicester's annual music festival returns for another year (natch) and I'm expecting another weekend full of top tunes, lots of drunk people, including me, stumbling around the gaff and generally favourable vibes. Lovely.

New albums from Supergrass and Weezer

Forget about Portishead and Coldplay, these will be the albums of next year. Supergrass' 2005 effort, Road to Rouen, was a glorious return to form after some so-so albums and if single Diamond Hoo Ha Man is anything to go by, then album Diamond Hoo Ha should be another triumph.

Weezer also make a welcome return with their sixth studio album. Not that much is known about it but I expect it to be the usual high standard Weezer release.

The Dark Knight

One of the most anticipated film of next year, The Dark Knight picks up where Batman Begins left off, with a deeply disturbed criminal clown terrorising Gotham. Recent reports suggest that The Joker might not be taking centre stage though, with director Chris Nolan quoted on Empire online as stating that Harvey Dent will be the main focus while The Joker will cross into the story at various points. With the return of the Scarecrow also included, I have a slight worry that this might succumb to the same problem as Spider-man 3 did with too many crooks spoiling the entertainment broth (ahem). Nolan is a supreme director though so fingers crossed he delivers the goods once again.

Cloverfield and Semi-Pro

Little is known about JJ Abrams' flick. Indeed the name Cloverfield only seems to have been confirmed relatively recently. What is known is that we're dealing with a monster attacking New York. The trailers suggest that the whole film will be told from the point of view of a video camera and that the cast are all unknown. They also suggest plenty of excitement and moody atmospherics and if it's anything like his past output, it could be brilliant.

Semi-Pro is Will Ferrell's new film and it looks flat out hilarious. Taking the role as coach, owner and player for an amateur basketball team, the trailers show a gut-bustingly funny performance from Ferrell and I fully expect this to be one of the year's funniest films.

These are just the potted highlights of my 2008. There's also new albums from Bob Mould and Gemma Hayes and the new Indiana Jones and Rambo flicks.

If things go as expected, 2008 could be a very good year indeed.

Albums of 2007

2007-12-19T20:42:00.000Z

I love these superfluous and utterly banal lists that everyone comes up with at this time of year.

Not to be undone, here's my very own top ten albums for 2007, in no particular order:

1) In Rainbows - Radiohead

I know this would make most people's lists just by virtue of being a Radiohead album but I thought In Rainbows was a real high point for Oxfordshire's finest. Chunking guitar licks, killer basslines and thumping drumbeats, all held together by some of Thom Yorke's best ever vocals. Also, this is probably their most accessible album for non-fans since The Bends.

2) Under The Backlight - Rilo Kiley

Easily my favourite find of the year. Having heard little of their previous work (although I'm hunting down Jenny Lewis's back catalogue as I type) I was hooked on Under The Backlight from the off. Alt rock with a country twang. Supoib.

3) Wait For Me - The Pidgeon Detectives

They're from my home village of Rothwell, Leeds so they would have made it in for that alone. As it happens, the raw energy and easily memorable songs make this a winner anyway.

4) An End Has A Start - Editors

Given a tough time of some sections of the music press, Editor's sophomore effort contained phenomenal energy, if not as many tunes as The Back Room. That said, any album that has Racing Rats and Smokers Outside the Hospital Doors on deserves high praise indeed.

5) The Deep Blue - Charlotte Hatherley

If her first album, Grey Will Fade, was a taster of what she was capable of, The Deep Blue was a delicious main course. Featuring at least eight or nine instant classics the entire album has a grown-up quality that was always missing in her days with ASH. The best indie-pop album of the year.

6) Proof Of Youth - The Go! Team

The perfect companion piece to Thunder, Lightning, Strike, if for no reason than they're cut from exactly the same cloth. No progression in musical terms but then that never did Lemon Jelly any harm. Don't fix what ain't broken.

7) Saltbreakers - Laura Veirs

Another great female singer-songwriter, Laura Veirs created another fantastic folk-rock album to her catalogue. Luscious, flowing songs with lyrics to match. The perfect soundtrack to a lazy autumn day, this was one of my favourite finds of the year.

8) Close To Paradise - Patrick Watson

I tend to go for female singer-songwriters over males but this is a heck of an exception. Thirteen songs of such quality are rare from a relatively unheard of artist but this does just that. If there's any justice, he'll get more coverage in coming years. I've actually had this since 2006 but it only came out in the UK on disc this year, so I'm including it anyway.

9) Neon Bible - Arcade Fire

Better than Funeral and matched most people's expectations on its release. Can't wait to see what they do next.

10) Phantom Punch - Sondre Lerche

Full of energy and always interesting, Sondre Lerche released another wham bam bunch of tracks this year and sounded as confident as ever. His band, The Faces Down, are also sounding at their best.

The Dark Knight

2007-12-03T17:12:00.000Z

I'm back after a totally unenforced absence and I'm bloody excited. Why? Because yesterday I bought Empire magazine and saw the best front cover pic I've seen all year. It's for the Dark Knight, the sequel to the fantastic Batman Begins, and it's simply the Joker, sitting in a jail cell, looking really bloody cool.

Can. Not. Wait.

To see the cover, here's the link: http://www.empireonline.com/news/story.asp?NID=21560

No more gaming for BBC online users

2007-11-14T17:13:00.000Z

I was doing some, ahem, research on the 'net when I came across this message posted on the Games' section of BBC.co.uk:

'Following a review of the BBC's online service, it was decided to close the games portal because its value to audiences was not sufficient to outweigh the risk of negative market impact.'

What? Why can't they just simply say 'Sorry kids, you can't play games on BBC Online anymore.' I don't know who the BBC think they're addressing here, but it's clearly no one of human origin.

Beardwatch no more

2007-11-12T17:27:00.000Z

It's gone! You know what, it was the cleanest shave I've ever had. Smooth as an eel

Beardwatch: Day 36

2007-10-30T21:09:00.001Z

Look at me now. I'm like a bearded superhero!

Amazing beat boxing dude

2007-10-30T21:07:00.001Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsN

Things overheard in shop No. 2

2007-10-15T21:54:00.000+01:00

Two employees in WH Smith, Leamington Spa, in full view of all customers

Woman 1: If you don't go home, I can't go home. Just leave will ya!

Woman 2: ...

Things overheard in shops No.1

2007-10-14T23:06:00.000+01:00

Borders, Leicester. 14th October 2007

Man and woman, approx. 60 plus years of age, perusing the DVD aisles. The women picks up United 93.

Woman: Shall we get this? It's meant to be good.

Man: Well, maybe. What is it though. Is it just interviews of those involved?

Woman: How can they do that? They're all dead?

Quite.

Beardwatch: Day 20

2007-10-14T23:04:00.001+01:00

I now look like a hobo

It's a goal! Well, maybe not

2007-10-03T21:22:00.000+01:00

So in September I set myself five goals to achieve for the month. Here they were:

1) Write two short stories
2) Cut down on the swearing (at least the major cussing words)
3) Buy far less music and DVDs than I can actually afford
4) Not give up my life to 'X Factor'
5) Treating my lovely wife to a grand day out for her birthday.

How did I do? Well...

1) Started writing my sweetie opus. Not finished even one story though.
2) Asked my wife whether I've managed this. She replied 'erm, not really'.
3) Hmmm. Not quite managed this either (see my Johnny Cash Children's album post)
4) Again, this didn't really happen. I'm hooked already and very embarrassed about that
5) Now this one I managed. We went to Rutland Water in Rutland (strangely enough) and it was lovely.

So there you go. Basically I failed miserably: achieved goals: 1. Failed goals: 4

So, let's try again this month. Here are October's 5 goals:

1) Make something beautiful with wood
2) Grow a beard (already in progress)
3) Tell the world of the joys of Hell's Kitchen USA
4) Write one short story
5) Compliment a different friend every day e.g. 'Hey, nice shoes!'

Let's see how I do this time round... check back at the end of the month

Beardwatch: Day 9

2007-10-03T21:15:00.000+01:00

My wife actually commented how 'rugged' I'm looking.

Conversely, my mother said 'Oh no, you don't look like Noel Edmonds do you?'

Who's right? You decide

Beardwatch: Day 6

2007-09-30T20:20:00.000+01:00

Day 6 and the beard is coming on strong.

Like newly-formed grass popping up out of soil. Quite itchy though...

My beautiful beard

2007-09-28T10:16:00.000+01:00

So the other day I decided to grow a beard. I'm going to be keeping a progress report on here.

This is me after day 4...

Worst name for a business ever?

2007-09-26T22:09:00.000+01:00

Yup. I'd say so.

Cash for the kids

2007-09-23T10:30:00.000+01:00

Bought another album the other day - The Johnny Cash Children's album...

It's genius. Who else can teach the alphabet in such an engaging manner. There are also real touching moments from the Man in Black, including an ode to his son John, which he sings as a duet with wife June Carter Cash.

Honestly, this may sound to you like nothing more than a kitsch album but if you're a Cash fan, this is worth a go.

Ultimate blockbuster?

2007-09-23T09:56:00.000+01:00

It's taken me a while to get round to it, but I've finally had the pleasure of seeing The Bourne Ultimatum at the cinema (for £7 no less, plus a shocking £3.10 for sweeties - how on earth can cinemas justify these outrageous prices!) and I have to say that it's, without a doubt, the best blockbuster of 2007.

Of course, it could be argued that this wasn't exactly hard, considering the competition - Harry Potter and the never-ending franchise that refuses to become interesting, Transformers (ho, and indeed, hum), The Simpsons extended, and frighteningly disappointing episode... and so on.

Still, I'd argue that TBU (if you'll allow me to call it that) would be the best blockbuster of pretty much any year the millennium. Taut, excellently choreographed action scenes, gorgeous locations - there must be around six or seven countries featured throughout - and an unrelenting pace that refuses to let go.

In the summer of sequels, the Bourne franchise is the one that truly delivered... and then some. And Matt Damon is a better action hero actor than Daniel Craig. Who knew?

I'm just a guy who can't say no

2007-09-16T19:51:00.000+01:00

I haven't been online for some time as I've been a busy chappie, not least being invited to local events left right and centre. It's not like I've been actively seeking the attention. Far from it. All I've had to do recently is open my front door and the offers have landed on my doorstep. Let me explain...

A few weeks ago, I opened the door to a pleasant 70-ish year, grey-haired man asking me to joing his club. The club in question? The Blaby Lions. The offer? To bring fresh young blood to the geriatric membership.

Was I interested? Not in the slightest. However, I have a very British problem: not being able to say no. That's how I found myself thinking, "I'll have to say no I'm afraid, I just don't have the time to offer to your noble institution", but saying, "Ooo yes, that sounds great actually. We don't really know many people in the area so to be able to do things with the Lions sounds perfect."

"Well that's great," he replied. "The next meeting's at the end of the week so it will be good to see you, and your partner there." He passed me a leaflet detailing the meeting's address and agenda.

"Great, see you there," I answered back.

So, the Lions Director walked away from the house, all pleased with himself at having secured a brand new member, and I walked back into the Living Room to Becky's judging eyes. "Why did you say that? You know you won't go and now he's just going to be disapointed when you don't turn up." I felt a bit bad but at the same time, I thought I'd made an old man very happy so I justified my actions thus: "Oh come on Becks, he's done his job and it doesn't matter if I don't turn up anyway. I'm only one man." Becky wasn't convinced but we moved on. Until a week later...

"He's coming up the drive Mark."

Becky had spotted him out the window. She followed this with: "I'm not answering it."

So it was that I found myself going deeper into the hole I had dug.

"Hi, how are you?" I asked as I opened the door.

"Fine thanks. Didn't see you at the last meeting."

"Erm, no no. Sorry about that."

"Never mind, the next one's on Wednesday evening and we'd love to see you there. I can even pick you up in the car if you like? No pressure."

Oh dear. I hadn't banked on this much enthusiasm, and I wasn't prepared for this at all.

"Right, well I think I'm pretty busy that night," I spluttered, thinking quickly of an excuse. "I'm, erm, now, what am I doing? I know I am busy. What is it again? Erm... That's it, I'm busy with work." Pitiful Mark. Quite pitiful.

"Okay," came the response, the man looking deep into my eyes and clearly spotting the lie. "Well I tell you what, give me your mobile number and I'll ring you before the next meeting after that to make sure you're free. No pressure though, I just don't want you to miss out."

Now, at this point most people would confess that they weren't actually that interested after all and actually thay just can't commit to such a venture. Not me.

"Yeah, okay. My mobile is..." I gave him the number, we exchanged more pleasantries and parted ways again. I walked back in to the Living Room. Becky saw the expression on my face.

"Why are you grimacing?" she asked.

"I'm a very bad person Becky. I just gave him the wrong number."

"What? Why on earth did you do that? Mark, that is really terrible."

She's right of course. I lied to an old man, who has now probably been ringing that number countless times, wondering whether he wrote it down wrong, I lied to him, or whether he's going a bit loopy. I'm just not a good person, but I couldn't bring myself to say no. Easier to keep him happy. If nothing else, I've at least learned the benefits of being honest and not just agreeing to everything, regardless of whether I intend to carry out my end of the bargain.

And if I hadn't learned it from this episode, I'd certainly learned it when our window cleaner invited us to a club night he was organising. But that's another story...

Fried Gold

2007-09-08T22:53:00.000+01:00

Following my discovery about the reduction in iPod Nano prices, Becky decided she wanted one for her birthday.

Great idea, although Becky did surprise me when we were talking about the kind of music she would be looking to buy from iTunes.

Beatles? No. Maybe a bit of Marvin Gaye? No. How about some Arcade Fire. Not a chance.

Becky's suggestion?

"Whats that song that goes 'Thank you for being a friend, travelled down the road and back again...'.

"The Golden Girls theme tune?"

"Yeah. I love that".

New iPod

2007-09-08T18:22:00.001+01:00

So this new iPod that's replacing the Nano is out there, and I have to say I'm not that impressed.

It's kind of a strange cross between the really ugly Shuffle and the old Nano and it just doesn't do anything for me I'm afraid. Of course it does more than the old Nano (mainly video) but my goodness it's one ugly beast, and seems a real hard one to control (like the Shuffle).

The old Nanos on the other hand still look the business and are now being sold off at a cut-price rate. So the old 4GB Nano (that looks and handles far nicer than the new one) can be yours for just £79!

Bargain.

Fatboy

2007-09-07T10:56:00.000+01:00

So, last night I weighed myself and was quite surprised to see I'd lost half a stone, despite having just eaten a huge curry.

I expressed my delight to my wife:

"Brilliant. I've lost some weight. I don't know how but I've actually lost some weight."

The reply?

"No, those scales must be wrong. There's no way you've lost weight."

Thanks wifey.

Simpsons meets Star Wars

2007-09-02T16:51:00.000+01:00

Very funny video

It's September!

2007-09-02T16:20:00.000+01:00

A new month and new challenges await us all.

For Big Brother's Brian, this will no doubt involve being on the cover of Heat for the next six weeks straight. For Leeds United, it will hopefully mean getting used to not being in negative points for the rest of the season.

And for me, it means a whole new set of goals to achieve:

1) Write two short stories
2) Cut down on the swearing (at least the major cussing words)
3) Buy far less music and DVDs than I can actually afford
4) Not give up my life to 'X Factor'
5) Treating my lovely wife to a grand day out for her birthday.

Can I achieve them? Check back on 30th September when I'll report on my progress.

Chocky Chimp

2007-08-31T22:28:00.000+01:00

I think I've drunk too much.

I've just seen the oddest advertisement I think I've ever seen on Channel 4. It's the latest from Cadbury's Dairy Milk and it features a huge gorilla on drums. If you've not seen it, it really is that simple/strange.

The advert starts with the title 'A Glass And A Half Full Productions presents' and then opens with Phil Collins' 'In the Air Tonight' while the camera slowly pans out on a gorilla's face. This goes on for about a minute and then, when the huge drums kick in, the gorilla starts beating away on a drum set in front on him.

And that's it. No messages about how great the taste is, in fact no messages about the chocolate at all. Except for, at the very end, a picture of the chocolate bar itself.

Maybe this is the way advertising is going, and for the rational behind the advert, read this piece that featured in the Indpendent back in May:

http://news.independent.co.uk/media/article2537369.ece

The agency behind the ad claim that people don't want to know about the ins and outs of the product anymore -they want to be entertained. Surely, though, you can do both can't you? Look at Citroen's Transformers adverts, or Sony's Bravia spots. Both are endlessly entertaining, both at least they actually bring across some idea of what the product's values and features are all about.

It's all well and good Cadbury's going down this quick laugh route, and yes, I can't deny that it's memorable. But I do think it's a strange route to go down, and I hope it doesn't catch on. Advertisments are there to inform, as well as entertain. Not to make people who are innocently having a few beers to suddenly think about calling AA.

Bum

2007-08-31T22:01:00.000+01:00

I don't know how much longer this will be up as, because I've had one too many glasses of wine, I keep clicking on the 'flag as objectionable content' button.

Oh dear. Well, hopefull this will still be going when I wake up tomorrow.

Oops.

Den of Geek

2007-08-31T21:53:00.000+01:00

Shameless bit of self promotion but I write now and then for a Geek's website - Den of Geek.

There are a lot of great writers on the site and I'd definitely recommend you go and have a look if you're into comics, films or geek's TV at all.

Just click on the link at the bottom of the page and you'll find lots or top quality geeky info, from Heroes to the Watchmen

Technorati

2007-08-31T21:03:00.001+01:00

Technorati Profile

Polaris World

2007-08-28T21:48:00.000+01:00

At the moment, there's an advert on TV that's pure genius.

It's for Polaris World and features, who I think is the Spanish MD of the company, stating: "Make sure you pay for your property fair price"

I don't know why it makes me laugh - I think it's the fact that even though he's trying to sell houses to a predominantly english-speaking market, he really hasn't got a great grasp on the english language himself.

I remember the adverts before used to use Jack Nicklaus to push home Polaris World's message, and they were infinitely better. Here was a man who is instantly recognisible, a man who you could aspire to want to be.

Somewhere down the line, the company have had a board meeting along these lines:

"Jack's great and all, but really, what does he know about selling houses. Let me give it a go. Please. I'll lend it some real credibility as I'm the guy behind the whole operation. The public will want to buy more houses when they see how committed I am to my own company."

All well and good. If only someone in the company had the confidence to stand up to him and say:

"Yeah, but boss - no-one really know what's you're on about. I mean, we all hear the words, and they all would make some sort of sense if you could only put them in the right order."

Hey ho. At least it's achieved one thing. I now know remember the company name, which is something I never did under Nicklaus.

Kelly's closet

2007-08-27T09:06:00.000+01:00

I read an article in Saturday's Guardian about the latest chapters of R Kelly's hip-hopera masterpiece, 'Trapped in the Closet'. I've been watching all 10 of them ever since.

I acquainted myself with the first 12 chapters of Kelly's work early this year and was mesmorised by what I saw played out on my PC screen. Kelly's story of wild relationships, infidelity, violence and midgets (not to forget Rosie the nosey neighbour) is, at worst, an oddity, at best a true work of comedic genius.

I think the Guardian are spot on when they say Kelly may have realised how Trapped... was perceived by the public. There's definitely a shift in tone from those first 12 chapters to the new 10. Where in the initial 12 there was a seemingly total lack of self-awareness from the R&B singer, this time round the situations are so utterly hilarious that I don't believe for a second that the series isn't intended as a comedy.

Bottom line is, it is very, very funny. Whether it's his girlfriend's brother, Twan being chastised for pulling out some weed in Sylvester's (Kelly) car, or lesbian lovers Roxanne and Tina threatening to smash the boys heads in with a skilet, this is all good material.

If R Kelly IS being serious, I'm disturbed. But then, considering this is a man who's up on charges for urinating on a teenage girl, perhaps we all have far more reasons to be disturbed than this rap odyssey.

Either way, if you haven't seen it yet, head to ifc.com where you can familarise yourself with all 10 new edisodes - with introductions preceeding each by the great man himself.

It's arrived!

2007-08-27T08:27:00.000+01:00

Living in an english village brings many simple pleasures. The lilting song of a thrush. The knowing wink of a badger. The hum of a tractor.

In my particular english village though is one special monthly slice of joy: The Journal.

The Journal is the community magazine for several villages in Leicestershire, including my own, Narborough. The magazine pitches its 'beauty' in having its content written by local residents, for local residents.

Of course, herein lies the problem. Here is a sample from the issue that dropped on my doorstep on Saturday (issue 348 if you're interested):

Thurlaston Flower Troughs - Help Needed

Can anyone help me with the watering of some of the flower troughs in Thurlaston? I am happy to plant them up each season and keep them tidy, but carrying buckets/bottles of water around in my car every two or three days during dry weather is proving too time-consuming (it involves filling and carrying around about 21 bottles between 7 troughs).

Genius. Maybe it's just me, but I genuinely believe that The Journal represents everything that's great about the banality of the 'real' England. Once you get out into the villages, that's what England's really about. No real problems to speak of, a home for the older generation, where the biggest problems in life revolve around watering flower troughs.

Life is sweet, and The Journal is my own monthly Sherbet Dib-Dab.